Post by John on Apr 5, 2007 16:11:42 GMT -5
well, i found out that my father died last night of a massive heart attack. notice that i called him my father and not my dad. it takes more than a sperm donation to be a dad. it takes love, caring, communication, and a great deal of patience to be a dad. anyone can be a father and that's what mine was to me. just a father. a sperm donor. i can count on both hands and toes the number of times i've seen my father in my 44 years of life. that is sad. he showed little to no interest in me while i was growing up.
i used to hold a grudge against him for that. and the last time i saw him i was 21 years old. that's 23 years ago. i won't go into the details but to say that once again, i was let down by him. like i said, i used to hold a grudge against him for all of it. but today after speaking to many people including my pastor and others from church, i don't hold a grudge anymore. i have forgiven him and asked the Lord God to bless his soul and take him. i don't know if that will happen though. i don't know where my father was spiritually. and all the praying i can do will do him no good now. although i can't really say that i 'love' him, he is the person that made me and i have to respect him at least that much. the phrase that has come into my head to is this...
he is the one who made me, but, my mom and my step DAD are the ones who made me what i am today.
you can think what you want about this post. call me sentimental, philosophical, whatever. i don't really care. this is how i am feeling right now and i just wanted to share this mood with you, my friends.
p.s. those of you who's dad is still in the picture, or have a step dad that cares or even a big brother that is in the roll of a dad in your life, for me, take 1 minute out of your day the next time you see them, give them a huge hug and tell them that you love them. that is something i never ever had the chance to do with my father. if they ask you why you've done that, tell them "just because". it will make their day weather they want to admit it or not. and it will make yours too. trust me.
i used to hold a grudge against him for that. and the last time i saw him i was 21 years old. that's 23 years ago. i won't go into the details but to say that once again, i was let down by him. like i said, i used to hold a grudge against him for all of it. but today after speaking to many people including my pastor and others from church, i don't hold a grudge anymore. i have forgiven him and asked the Lord God to bless his soul and take him. i don't know if that will happen though. i don't know where my father was spiritually. and all the praying i can do will do him no good now. although i can't really say that i 'love' him, he is the person that made me and i have to respect him at least that much. the phrase that has come into my head to is this...
he is the one who made me, but, my mom and my step DAD are the ones who made me what i am today.
you can think what you want about this post. call me sentimental, philosophical, whatever. i don't really care. this is how i am feeling right now and i just wanted to share this mood with you, my friends.
p.s. those of you who's dad is still in the picture, or have a step dad that cares or even a big brother that is in the roll of a dad in your life, for me, take 1 minute out of your day the next time you see them, give them a huge hug and tell them that you love them. that is something i never ever had the chance to do with my father. if they ask you why you've done that, tell them "just because". it will make their day weather they want to admit it or not. and it will make yours too. trust me.
